Life Pivot After 40
I feel stuck- how to I make changes after 40?
I have to admit when I talk to people about everything my husband and I did within the last few years, my eyes get crossed. I changed my life after 40-I quit my job, which meant a significant drop in our income and lifestyle, started a business, actively started volunteering, and we started fostering teens, and I made a major change in my business because apparently I had nothing else to do. One of the top questions I get is, how did we do it? Once we were willing to step out on the faith of our conviction rather than sink into our comfort, there was no other choice.
Below are some of the things we did that helped us pivot:
Put God First
When I gave my life to Christ in my late 20s, I made a vow to live for him, no matter the cost. Living this way meant us consciously creating a life that allowed God to steer us wherever He saw fit. I wish I could say I diligently stuck to this principle, but like most people, I made decisions based on pride and ego, and we soon found ourselves in over $15OK in debt, a marriage on the rocks, and unable to do all the things I felt God was calling us to do. My husband and I both re-committed ourselves to Christ and agreed to create a life God can use.
Swallow Your Pride And Get Help
Despite all of the training as a CFP, we needed help with behavioral change. We signed up for Financial Peace- one of our best decisions. Realizing we had created a life margined with debt rather than a life margined to allow God’s direction to steer us, we sold an unaffordable house, moved into an apartment for seven years, and worked to build a strong financial foundation. We felt like we took a step backward in life.
We agreed to drive our hoopties into the ground and focus on paying off debt. We made mistakes along the way and had setbacks. But instead of beating ourselves up, we re-focused, got back on the wagon, and eventually paid off all of our debt.
The critiques we received from friends who thought we were foolish didn’t help. Interestingly, the negative advice always came from people whose lives were a mess (another post on that one).
Partner with God
We took the time to work together with God to think of what kind of future we wanted to build. We prayed for God’s direction in how He wanted us to serve him and to create the life that would be the most conducive to the flow of His plans.
This time around, we found mentors who truly lived what they believed to walk us through our decisions. I cannot emphasize how critical these wonderful people were in helping steer us to God when our desires started to take us off course.
Choose Your Home Wisely
We chose a home well below what we qualified for, following David Ramsey’s advice to buy a home with a mortgage equal to no more than 25% of our take-home income. We also prayed about our future home, that it would be where God needed us to be to serve his purpose.
God, through my husband, kept leading us to a particular street, and we prayed for his guidance. It turned out to be the street where we bought our home. Unbeknownst to us, we chose a house 5 minutes from a church with an active foster care ministry. God filled not only our current but our future needs.
Stay Out Of Debt
We continued to stay out of debt and purchased our next two cars with cash. We started to grow very comfortable in our new life, but we serve a God who cares more about our commitment to Him than our comfort, and we felt the whisper to change course. We took a Christian-based group life coaching program called the Younique Journey. This program helped us to articulate our purpose and to create a plan to live our call. We wanted me to have the flexibility to serve our family, foster teens, and volunteer in our church and community. Together, we decided I would quit my job.
Develop A Network Of Battle Buddies
We prepared our family for foster care. I reached out to other foster families and developed a network of friends. This also created a support network for our daughter, who can talk to other biological children of families with foster kids to talk about her experiences. Thankfully a beautiful movie called “Instant Family” was released. We watched it three times, each time discussing how we would handle different situations. My life resembles the movie in ways I could never have imagined.
Be Cautious About Who you Confide In
During this time, we were cautious about who we invited on our journey. We decided that some people needed to exit our life, and we stopped or limited communication with them (God created the unfollow button on Facebook for a reason). We recognized that a strong relational foundation was as important as a strong financial foundation. After all, even Jesus has 12 people around him.
Conclusion
I am living my passion. It feels scary, chaotic, joyful, lonely, and freeing at all once. I used to pray for a life of comfort. I now pray for strength and peace beyond understanding as I willingly run towards the chaos.
Apparently, God was not done with me yet in the marketplace. I soon found myself taking on several passion projects, doing work I love with the flexibility to be the mom and community member I want to be.
It’s tough for someone who likes planning their entire life out, but I’ve contentment even when I don’t know the end the result, the ability to take the next step without knowing what will happen next.
